Eddie - Faith Rekindled

My husband John and I had three, four- year-old male goats.  We got them when they were 6 to 8 weeks old.  When we first got them I fed Eddie the youngest with a bottle as he was not completely weaned.   We originally wanted them so they could “cut our grass”.  That part did not work out as planned.  They ate only what they wanted which included my Hostas, my flowers, items in my garden and yes, in their defense, occasionally the grass.   Fortunately, we did not get rid of the lawn tractors when we got the goats as it turned out it was not going to be that simple.  

Even thought they did not cut the grass they do serve a great purpose and have become for me what I lovingly refer to as my therapy goats.  Each morning the goats and I go for a walk on the trails on our five acres of land.  Rain or shine, cold or snow almost every day we walk.  It gets very cold in Wisconsin in the winter and even if I did not take them for a walk I still had to go down to the barn hauling water for my babies.  It is hard to not be grateful to come back inside a warm house after attending to my three friends. 

I went down to the barn to feed my goats one day last summer.  I had no intention of tying them outside that day as I was going to be gone for 7 hours or more.  When I’m not home I worry that they might get tangled or scared of something like the neighbor’s lawn mower or loud motorcycles.  Once in the barn I realized Eddie, my baby, who had hurt his leg about two months ago and who I had been praying for ever since I saw him limping, had not stood up all night.   He had been struggling to stand up but could not because his bedding was all kicked around in his failed attempt.  He had moaned a bit yesterday too which was unusual for any of the goats.  Well today he bellowed and struggled to get up but could not.  I went over to help him, put my hand under his chest.  My hand was immediately soaked with old urine.  I could not help him up and be bellowed and had a few muscle spasms.  I felt it was time to put him out of his misery, as he was obviously in pain.

In hurrying to tell John that we must put Eddie down, I put the clip that holds the gate closed in my pocket.  I quickly tied the two other goats outside and rushed into the house.  John was in his bath robe yet and said he would he get dressed and come down to the barn in a few minutes.   When I got back down to the barn, Eddie had managed to get up and had moved a few feet.  I tried in vain to get him back up and outside to make this whole process easier.  I cried, prayed, sang the same song I sang to Clarence, another goat we lost, and cried some more.  John came down to the barn with the pistol and said did not like the idea of doing it in the barn in case the bullet ricocheted.  So as John went to put the bucket on the tractor to be ready to haul Eddie’s body away, I thought maybe I could get Eddie on a tarp and slide him out of the barn.    I tried moving him but Eddie wanted no part of it.  Somehow Eddie managed to stand with my lifting him under his chest.  Eddie had not been out of the barn in three weeks and he had not even left the pen this last week.  Slowly, with me leading him, he walked about 15 feet and was outside in the nice breeze and sunshine.  There were barn swallows that had nested in the barn and they were flying in and out where he was standing.  They were his companions for the past three weeks when the other two goats were tied outside during the day.  I had really cried before but now somehow with Eddie being outside it did not seem as dismal.  And he did the most amazing thing, he stopped walking, would not take one more step and looked over and ate some clover.  I laughed almost as hard as I had cried.  And he ate a second bite.  His last meal was in the fresh air, with green leaves and the breeze blowing and the birds singing.

When John arrived, Eddie’s legs collapsed.  He fell to the ground and bellowed.  Now John had heard him and we both knew – it was time.   I petted him, looked deep into his eyes and said “I love you”, and went up to the house.  I sang “Amazing Grace” loudly and shut the windows so hopefully I would not hear the shot.  Mom called and I told her, I think she cried too.  When it was over and Eddie was buried John came up to the house.  He said Eddie did not feel any pain and I told him I don’t care if he was lying to me; please never to tell me the truth.  He said it was true, no pain. 

So you might be saying it was a goat, what is the big deal? There is more to this story.  God had me walk this thing out.  I have always thought that of all the Spiritual Gifts, the gift of healing would be the one I would really want because if I could heal someone in Jesus’ name then that person surely would believe in Him.  They would have a hard time denying God at that point and they, too, would know the joy and peace of walking in relationship with Jesus.  

Two months ago Eddie was limping.  And the Lord impressed upon me to pray for Eddie.  I did and Eddie did seem better.  John asked if Eddie was better and I told him Eddie was.  So I began to think that this is it.  I mean this is where I do my internship.  Then Eddie began to limp again and God impressed upon me not to tell anyone.  And not to tell anyone that I was not telling anyone.  This was between me and God.   So I didn’t and I kept on praying I went to Fleet Farm and purchased some penicillin.  So I would sneak down to the barn with my hypodermic needle and my bottle of medicine and inject Eddie twice a day.  I followed the proper doses and that did not work, Eddie was still limping.  I learned about “pray and say”.  That is, if you’re going to pray about something like “Lord heal Eddie”, don’t run around saying “Eddie is limping”.  Ok, I followed that too.  Somehow the idea of Epsom Salt was brought up to soak his leg in as it was becoming hard not to have people see Eddie was limping.  So I borrowed some Epsom Salt from John’s Aunt Bev and I mixed up a bucket with warm water and soaked his leg.  He was still pretty mobile at that time and that was not an easy feat.  I did that a couple of times.  I bought Eddie his own bucket of water, I brought him his own hay to eat, I gave him sweet treat when the other two were not around so he did not have to fight them for it.  I put fly bait in the barn to get rid of the flies so they would not bother him.  When he no longer could get up easily I sprayed his legs with fly spray because he no longer could shake them off.  I’d pray and say and you know how Jesus spit on the ground?  He made mud for the man’s eyes who was blind, well I did not make mud but I spit on my hand and placed my hand on his bad leg and prayed Scripture over him.  I would boldly in a commanding voice say to him “Pick up your mat and walk!”  If I could think of it I did it.

So as I went to the house when John was ready to do the humane thing put Eddie out of his misery I said to God, “Not my will, but thy will be done.”  And I meant it, the clover and the 15 foot walk into the sunshine well….they really eased my pain.  He was likely going home but I had walked out what I was told.  If the questions of why did God not heal Eddie as I had done all I was commanded, would come up well it was summed up in ….”Not my will, but thy will be done”.  I was obedient. 

Now here is a funny twist.  I went to work the rest of the day and came home tired and weary. The day had had a rough start.  I sat out with the other two goats for awhile and tried to get them used to the idea that Eddie was not there anymore.  So I hand fed them and pampered them a bit.  I came up to the house and told John I was just going to take it easy the rest of the night, he said good idea, it’s been a long day.  I went into the bathroom to take off my makeup and get ready for bed and I started thinking.  You know Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead after four days, God raised Jesus from the dead after three day.  Hey, maybe He will raise Eddie from the dead.  And John will know that Eddie is a living miracle because he saw him last and when Eddie comes bounding to us on four good legs, running and jumping like the man Peter and John healed, you get the idea?  Well then, Lord, it is a win-win.  If Eddie doesn’t come back he is in Heaven with my daughter Danielle.  If Eddie is raised from the dead he will be healed. 

I kid you not as I was thinking these things and seeing the goodness of God I thought I heard a goat bleat.  My first thought was no….it couldn’t be…..could it be Eddie?  And then I heard it again and I know I heard a goat.  I flew to the window fully anticipating seeing Eddie and there outside bathroom window were my other two goats.  In my haste that morning I slipped the clip for their gate into my pocket.  Tonight after I hand fed them I was going to put a stick in the latch, but I forgot.  I normally take them out into the back yard to run free so when they escaped their pen they came to find me.  I am their shepherd.  They came looking for me.  There is a lesson in that too.  They had their freedom to go explore and free reign to eat anything in sight but what they needed the most was their shepherd.  Dumb goats right?  We could learn a lot from them.

Jesus is my Shepherd.  I run to Him.   I do believe God can do anything!  In 13 years I have gone from not being able to even touch a Bible for fear that God hated me to 100 percent believing that He could raise Eddie from the dead?  Maybe what needed to be healed was not so much my goat as it was my childlike faith to be rekindled.  You see my faith was not weakened that Eddie was taken; on the contrary, it was strengthened in many ways. And you never know I may hear Eddie at the window yet. 

As written in the book of Matthew 19:26   Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”