Sex was God's idea!

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.”  Those words echoed in my mind one evening on the way home from work.  Sounded Biblical to me, so I vowed to look it up on a computer Bible program when I got home.  They certainly were not my words.  I had never used the word “locust” in a sentence; all I knew was that it was some kind of cricket type of bug.

 

When I got home I looked it up and it was in Joel 2:25.  I took it to mean that the Lord was going to make something good out of my past.  He had already done a great job in a lot of places in my life but there turned out to be another area where I had really blown it: I had followed the culture when it came to sexual sin.  Most movies, commercials, and music sell sex as a prize.  Or they at least sell love, and then sex seems to likely follow.  So, He was going to repay me for the years the locusts had eaten.  Yuck!  I didn’t even want to think about thinking about the past.  I was a born-again Christian so why couldn’t He just wave His magic wand and make all those memories disappear?  I did not want to face this pile of garbage that was in my past.  Yes, it was indeed in my past.

Shortly after that, I went to a two-day women’s Christian conference and one of the events that we could attend at the break was at a certain business.  The business happened to have the same family name of my first “boyfriend”.  I went to my Bible study the following week.  We were starting a new group with new people and one of the ladies at our table again happened to have the same last name.  I’ll just tell you this, it was not like Smith or Jones, it was an unusual name, known likely only to this area.  I said, “Really Lord, do we have to do this?  I don’t want to!”  

Later in the same time period a customer came into my work.  He was  a man I had had an affair with years ago.  He did not know I worked there.  I wanted to press the proverbial “delete” key and make this all go away.   “Why, Lord, why do we have to do this?”  God was indeed getting my attention.  Yes, I was a Christian, and yes, I was forgiven but I had to heal from the damage my personal choices had made.  I wasn’t damaged goods, I’d been given new life.  And He was going to teach me that.

I was living it on the outside of my life.  I was living honestly, no longer looking for love in all the wrong places.  I was giving my total attention to Jesus.  I was living a clean life. That was good enough right?  I was living honestly but God wanted more.  He wanted me to come to terms with my sexual past and leave it at the cross in order for Him to bring me to the next level.  I was not to carry these scars with me.  That meant surgery and surgery hurts.

If you ever get to the point where God will not let you go further until you submit, you have this choice.  Stay and dry up or get on board and grow with Him.  With shoulders shrugged and head shaking side to side I decided I wanted Him more than covering up my embarrassing past.  One thing that really helped is He provided an opportunity for me to be alone with a close friend from church and talk about some of the worst hurts I remembered.  Her answer was not judgment or humiliation but compassion and understanding.  I told her things that had never been spoken out loud.  She even shared with me some of her own sins.  It had been my thinking up until this point that most church ladies could not relate.  So I spoke it out loud for the first time after 30 years.   Oh, I’d rehearsed the stories to myself millions of times but I was always too ashamed to tell anyone.  But in sharing the stories the strangest thing happened – they lost their power over me.  

It had been festering in the dark but once exposed to Light, surgery a success!  Satan will encourage you to sin then urge you not to tell anyone, that they won’t understand,  and all the while make you feel ashamed and so the cycle continues.

The bleeding had to stop (sin) then God could do surgery (restoration) to get me ready for the next level.  I put Him first, I allowed Him to dissect my past and get me ready for a real, solid new beginning to a marital covenant where He is the center.  Sounds simple, right?  Well I’m a bit slow it only took me 48 years to figure it out.

It did not work for me living the world’s way until I made Him first.  And yet I don’t think it was a waste of time those 48 years because it has helped produce in me a harvest of compassion for others.  I get it.  I had fallen for it.  I could listed 1,000 reasons why I lived the way I did.  And they came honestly but just because I had a reason does not mean I had a right to do as I pleased.  Not only that, it was self-destructive.   God was not holding out on me or anyone when He said, “Thou shall not commit adultery”.  He knows what is good and right for us.  For crying out loud it is one of the big 10!

I am glad to tell you I am happily married for almost six years now and I am right and clean before God.  He wanted me, His child, to have the best.  Parents do that for their children but I had to cooperate.  He did not want me to compromise.

So here is my advice for the single people out there.  If you are not married don’t have sex outside of marriage.  If you are married don’t have sex.  I’m kidding of course.  If you are married stay faithful and don’t have sex outside of marriage.  And put God at the center of your life in every place including your bedroom.  Oh, how’s that for direct?

I am here to tell you His way works.  You can play in the mud outside of Disney World all you want or you can go in.  It’s your choice.

 

Being Manic - The Other Side of Depression

My husband John and I have been married almost six years.  I have bi-polar disease and together we have lived through our share of the depression side of my illness, about once a year or so.  I’m happy to say I think we have got it down as to what helps and what doesn’t.

So to mix things up a bit I became manic this fall.  I had a lot to do.  I had a lot on my plate.  I am going through menopause and I was experiencing hot flashes on a regular basis all summer. They kept me awake quite often.  I would wake up around 3:00 a.m. or earlier and simply start my day.  I was getting a lot done.  I was concerned I would end up in a lengthy depressive state, but what could I do?  I couldn’t sleep because about the time I would fall asleep I would wake up and toss the covers off my side of the bed. Oh well, all seemed to be going alright, and as I said I was getting a lot done. 

With the prospect of having three days off of work—Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I became very agitated on Saturday night.  I could not calm the nerves in my stomach.  I had not gotten enough done and I only had one day left.  In reality, no one was expecting anything from me, it was all internal.  I had been running on “cranked” mode for so long and was so sleep-deprived,  my body were trying to tell me something.

 I had not experienced a manic state for so long that it went unnoticed for some time.  Three to four hours of sleep, working like a machine and now not being able to shut it down.  I put my thoughts together for my husband, so he had a heads up.  I said, “I’m on the verge of burn out.”  And much like anyone would say who would take a look at me, as I seemed as put together as ever, he said, “What are you going to do to prevent that next time?”  I was speechless.  So I tried another approach.  I wound paper toweling on my head and put up a sign, “I have brain flu.”  Meaning this: if I were vomiting over the toilet with stomach flu the last thing you would say to me is, “What are you going to do to prevent that next time?”  In other words, I look well, I have no symptoms you can see but I am very sick.  So John was sweet and got the visual right away and said, “Would you like breakfast in bed tomorrow?”  Yes, yes I would very much like breakfast in bed tomorrow. 

I was able to adjust my medication to help me sleep, which helped me tremendously.  I have been aware of my illness for 29 years and I have some pretty good systems in place to alleviate symptoms when things go bad.  I’ve slept a lot since then, a nap almost every day.  Suddenly all the things that I “had” to get done have lost their importance.  I am back to a peaceful state.

We are three part-beings and all had to be addressed.

Body – lack of sleep, bi-polar disease (manic state)

My physical body had to be taken care of.  My chemicals were out of whack.  And because I do so many things right on a regular basis it minimized the correction time once it was recognized.   No alcohol or other non-prescription drugs.    Normally good sleep pattern.  Good consistency in all other physical health habits. 

Soul – emotions 

It would have been easy to get angry with John for not understanding at first.  It would have been easy to blame him and a million other people and things.  This was kept in check partly because of experience in educating my loved ones about my disease. It is not a “mood” or a “tantrum” it is a very real physical condition just like diabetes or any other medical disease.  So the visual of the bandage on my head told John to look past what he could see.

Spirit – my rest (Spiritual)

My rest when my internal world is turned upside down.  I am loved by God, I will be going to Heaven as I have salvation because of my faith in Jesus Christ and that He died on the cross for me.  The things that I might be thinking are all trumped by God’s word.  This too comes from experience in hanging out in the Word of God.  You don’t get this only during the storms of life but in all the days, months and years leading up to the storm.  If you use Him as a 911 God, you really are missing out on so much.   He isn’t just reserved for a trip to church on Sunday, He makes the trip to the grocery store easy and fun, He makes the trip to the doctor’s office a time to rejoice, He makes the trip to the auto shop rewarding in an otherwise humdrum day.  He wants to be a part of every moment. And, He will show up in ways you never dreamed possible.  Will he be there in the 911 calls?  Sure, He’s God, and He loves you but you are the one missing out if that is the only time you choose to hang out with Him.

I can’t tell you how this whole trial with my illness coming out of remission could have been so much worse.  I shudder to think about it.  It would be easier to simply just not have bi-polar disease; I know God can take it away in the blink of an eye.  And someday for all I know, He will.  But for now I continue to be trained by it and it allows me to see how in a fallen world His victory holds true.  It is never the absence of problems that makes us stronger but in the struggles of daily life that we can know Him and feel His very real presence.

We have a part – and we must do our part, He won’t do our part. He has a part – be patient, we can’t do His part. My part is to give Him glory and honor and take care of this body He gave me.  Honor and respect my husband.  Praise and give Him thanks for giving me this great role to play in the body of Christ.  Going deep in my illness doesn’t seem like a lot of fun but the treasures we dig up keep me in awe.  Thank you, God.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  James 1:2-4

O Holy Spirit - A Collection of Thoughts

On first day of our Bible Study of the book of Nehemiah, we were asked to put our thoughts together as to who the Holy Spirit was to us individually.  We handed in our papers back in September.  There were eleven of us who did the homework.  Two months later our Bible Study leader complied our thoughts and it turned out to be one very beautiful collection.   We hope you are as blessed by it by it as we are.

O  Holy Spirit,

You are the mighty Breath of God, moving on the earth as You will.  You are the Divine Connector, filling the life and heart of each believer and building us together in the body of Christ.  You help us to pray and intercede with power beyond our own ability.  You guide us in righteous living and are our Comforter.  You are our Helper and You convict us of sin.  You empower us to do the works of God because Jesus sent You to help all believers become disciples.

You are powerful, bright and fluid; You are the Driving Force behind our faith.  You are constant and can only do good.  You are like an embrace.  You are God's way of completing us.

I acknowledge You as the Third Person of the Trinity, Who came to live inside me when I became saved.  Sometimes I have a hard time hearing what You have to say and I become angry with You.  But I love you.

You are my Internal Counselor who helps me discern what's right and true.  You guide me with wisdom beyond what I could know.  You guide me in my dreams at night and You teach me things I could not know in the natural.  You help me to face giants and I know I am not going into the battle alone.

You help me to believe that when I pray diligently for others amazing things happen.  You help me to see the lessons in life and know which ones are not for me.  At times I can actually feel the warmth of the embrace we share.

You are my Defender and You fight for me.  Isaiah 59:19 tells me that when the enemy comes in a like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him.  You help me during difficult times as well as happy times.  I tell my kids to trust You to protect them when they are scared or lonely and that You will listen when they need someone to talk to.

I am receiving Your peace and joy and I have been happier than I have ever been in my life.  You have a lot of work to do in me yet, but I am very thankful I am not still where I used to be.

Amen

Sit Back and Watch the Show

The Lord has been telling me to “Sit back and watch the show”.  He is telling me this about every situation in my life that is unsettled.  I am to pray, seek His face and enjoy the show.  I am to take my feeling out of the equation, instead of trying to steer it in one direction or another with worry or obsessing on it.  That sounds pretty clear, right?  I could not worry enough for the outcome to be different.  I could not obsess long enough to change the results.

 

Once a couple of years ago, I was invited to a gathering that I did not want to go to.  Some of the people invited were people I had real issues with.   I asked God how I was supposed to go and face these people.  He said in my spirit, “Just sit back and watch the show.” Wow, what a novel idea.  I thought that must have been God because I would not have come up with that idea on my own.  It was simple yet profound at the same time.  As I was at the event and sitting among the people I was trying to avoid and witnessing the dysfunction, I glanced at my husband.  I had told him what the Lord told me before coming to the gathering.  My husband and I both knew what the other was thinking and he smiled and said, “Just sit back and watch the show.”  I settled in for the evening and did just as I was told.  The dysfunction will continue regardless if I get upset or not.  Since that will happen anyway, why would I set myself up for such a thing?   I do have options:  Get involved and get upset and lose.  Or “Sit back and watch the show” and stay calm and enjoy myself.  Pretty easy choice when it is laid out that way.  In the past I would take the bait, get involved, get my emotions all worked up and nothing—and I mean nothing—would change except I would lose my peace.

There isn’t anything worth losing my peace over.  I will now do whatever it is I can to hold onto it.  In the end (among other things) God in Heaven is truly in charge, completely sovereign, securely on His throne, unchanging, long-suffering, merciful and full of love.  So He says to bring everything to Him in prayer.  He doesn’t say if you worry and obsess over it enough I will hear you.  It is not that complicated is it?

Philippians 4:6-7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

In other words, thank Him and talk to Him and then, “Sit back and watch the show!”  And peace will follow.  I’m 54 years old, it took me a long time to get here but Thank God for His patience.  I suggest you take the advice He gave me and see how it works out for you. 

 I would love to hear your comments.

Election - And the Rapture Connection

This is a bit of post-election news.  When I watched the election results being shown in real time I was amused a bit by the bewilderment on the faces of the teams reporting the results.  It was like they NEVER saw it coming.  They were legitimately blindsided and in complete shock. If you have read any of my articles before you know I am in the group of Evangelicals the news media said came out to vote, and we did so in numbers they never expected.  

God changed the election or at least made our voice heard.  But this is not a political blog.  This is an observation that I find sad and disturbing.  The rapture will come, make no argument against it.  The Christians will be taken home to Heaven.  And just like the bewilderment on the faces of the newscasters millions upon millions of people will have the same reaction.  Where did the people go?  Where did the babies go?   Please don’t be one of them in utter confusion. Come to Christ now.  Go get Godly counsel, open your Bibles, please don’t be left behind.  Jesus IS coming to take His people home.  Please open your eyes and hearts and see what He has been trying to tell you.  

My job, well, is to be about my Father’s business and in this case to wake you up.  So please take it from someone whose life He restored.  Get on your knees and ask Him to reveal Himself to you.  He’s just waiting for you.

Revelation 3:20 says, “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”