My husband John and I have been married almost six years. I have bi-polar disease and together we have
lived through our share of the depression side of my illness, about once a year
or so. I’m happy to say I think we have got it down as to what helps and
what doesn’t.
So to mix things up a bit I became manic this fall. I had a lot to do. I had a lot on my plate. I am going through menopause and I was experiencing
hot flashes on a regular basis all summer. They kept me awake quite often. I would wake up around 3:00 a.m. or earlier
and simply start my day. I was getting a
lot done. I was concerned I would end up
in a lengthy depressive state, but what could I do? I couldn’t sleep because about the time I would fall asleep I would wake up
and toss the covers off my side of the bed. Oh well, all seemed to be going
alright, and as I said I was getting a lot done.
With the prospect of having three days off of work—Friday,
Saturday and Sunday, I became very agitated on Saturday night. I could not calm the nerves in my
stomach. I had not gotten enough done
and I only had one day left. In reality,
no one was expecting anything from me, it was all internal. I had been running on “cranked” mode for so
long and was so sleep-deprived, my body were
trying to tell me something.
I had not experienced a manic state for so long that it went
unnoticed for some time. Three to four
hours of sleep, working like a machine and now not being able to shut it
down. I put my thoughts together for my
husband, so he had a heads up. I said, “I’m on the verge of burn out.” And much like anyone would say who would take
a look at me, as I seemed as put together as ever, he said, “What are you going
to do to prevent that next time?” I was
speechless. So I tried another
approach. I wound paper toweling on my
head and put up a sign, “I have brain flu.”
Meaning this: if I were vomiting over the toilet with stomach flu the
last thing you would say to me is, “What are you going to do to prevent that
next time?” In other words, I look well,
I have no symptoms you can see but I am very sick. So John was sweet and got the visual right
away and said, “Would you like breakfast in bed tomorrow?” Yes, yes I would very much like breakfast in
bed tomorrow.
I was able to adjust my medication to help me sleep, which helped
me tremendously. I have been aware of my
illness for 29 years and I have some pretty good systems in place to alleviate
symptoms when things go bad. I’ve slept a lot since then, a nap
almost every day. Suddenly all the
things that I “had” to get done have lost their importance. I am back to a peaceful state.
We are three part-beings and all had to be addressed.
Body – lack of sleep, bi-polar disease (manic state)
My physical body had to be taken care of. My chemicals were out of whack. And because I do so many things right on a
regular basis it minimized the correction time once it was recognized. No alcohol or other non-prescription
drugs. Normally good sleep
pattern. Good consistency in all other
physical health habits.
Soul – emotions
It would have been easy to get angry with John for not
understanding at first. It would have
been easy to blame him and a million other people and things. This was kept in check partly because of
experience in educating my loved ones about my disease. It is not a “mood” or a “tantrum” it is a very
real physical condition just like diabetes or any other medical disease. So the visual of the bandage on my head told
John to look past what he could see.
Spirit – my rest (Spiritual)
My rest when my internal world is turned upside down. I am loved by God, I will be going to Heaven
as I have salvation because of my faith in Jesus Christ and that He died on the
cross for me. The things that I might be
thinking are all trumped by God’s
word. This too comes from experience in
hanging out in the Word of God. You don’t get this only during the storms
of life but in all the days, months and years leading up to the storm. If you use Him as a 911 God, you really are
missing out on so much. He isn’t just reserved for a trip to
church on Sunday, He makes the trip to the grocery store easy and fun, He makes
the trip to the doctor’s
office a time to rejoice, He makes the trip to the auto shop rewarding in an
otherwise humdrum day. He wants to be a
part of every moment. And, He will show up in ways you never dreamed
possible. Will he be there in the 911
calls? Sure, He’s God, and He loves you but you are the
one missing out if that is the only time you choose to hang out with Him.
I can’t tell
you how this whole trial with my illness coming out of remission could have
been so much worse. I shudder to think
about it. It would be easier to simply
just not have bi-polar disease; I know God can take it away in the blink of an
eye. And someday for all I know, He
will. But for now I continue to be
trained by it and it allows me to see how in a fallen world His victory holds
true. It is never the absence of
problems that makes us stronger but in the struggles of daily life that we can
know Him and feel His very real presence.
We have a part – and we must do our part, He won’t do our part. He has a part – be patient, we can’t
do His part. My part is to give Him glory and honor and take care of this body
He gave me. Honor and respect my
husband. Praise and give Him thanks for
giving me this great role to play in the body of Christ. Going deep in my illness doesn’t seem like a lot of fun but the treasures
we dig up keep me in awe. Thank you,
God.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you
face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith
produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be
mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4
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