Abundance

It is toward the end of June and I’m not running around like I have in the past.  As a matter of fact I’m quite ahead of schedule.  I gave up some things like gardening, when I realized I really didn’t like it. I didn’t mind the planting; the weeding, well, I could have done without that but it wasn’t the worst; and the watering was ok.  I was really surprised when the harvest came. That was when the work really began.  Mind you, my mom canned all the tomatoes and cucumbers but even so.  I would feel guilty when things were going to go to waste.  And you see the harvest was plentiful but the workers were few ☺.  One day I was talking about having to take care of the carrots and my cousin innocently asked, “How much does a pound of carrots cost anyway?” That was all I needed, I’d rather go buy carrots when I need them and quite frankly, everything else for that matter, because it was simply a lot of work for what we got.  Now, if you love gardening don’t be offended, I know people really get into it and despite some of the best watermelons and butternut squash I’d ever had, it just isn’t for me.  Whenever I was in the garden I just wanted to be somewhere else. 

So that is gardening off my list.  Second, I was running the church bazaar for the past four years and I gave that up this year.  It is usually held in October and like anything else I do I try to do my best, which can mean I can go overboard and that is no one’s fault but my own.  In June I would start to get things organized: signs, advertising, raffle license and flyers, along with crafting.  I would be planning ahead to have the best possible outcome.  Thankfully all of that is now off my plate. 

Third, I gave up painting barn quits that I sold.  Depending on their size 8’ x 8’ to 1’ x 1’, they were all over the house and garage.  It was not uncommon to have three or more of them going at one time all in different phases of paint drying.  That doesn’t take into account maintaining the road display, returning calls, designing, getting supplies and the accounting.  So, no more moving paintings to set the table for dinner.

I am actually caught up with most housework, yard work, phone calls and letters.  I even find myself sewing missing buttons on.  Now you know it is getting weird!   It is a very strange place to be for me. But this is where it gets even weirder, I know I’m going to cross the Jordan.  I’m going to go into the Promised Land.  God has had me in a process of clearing my schedule to make room for the work He has for me.  How do I know?  I just do.  He has already arranged meetings with others who are sensing the same thing I am.  We know He’s up to something big and we have to do our “work.”  Our “work” is on our knees, praising, worshiping and singing songs and psalms.  It unnerved me at first because I am a “doer.”  I can get it done with phone calls, resources, etc.  But this time it is different.  He keeps telling me not by might, nor by power but by His Spirit.  So why should I argue with that?  Or how can I argue with that?  I’m more peaceful than ever.  I’ve been told to, “Do your laundry.”   I know it means take care of my husband, home, clients and my animals and He will do the rest.  I am to “Do my laundry and worship Him.”  How’s that for a battle plan?  It is basically so simply that it just could work.  I think the word for it is abiding.  If I thought I have been here before I was mistaken, I’ve never been to this level.  It reminds me of being told to walk around Jericho seven times, like all right who am I to argue with the King of the Universe?

It is sort of cool because with this blog there is a written record of the still small voice leading me forward.  And it’s in real time.  Leaving a trail of evidence that not only can I hear from Him but He wants that same relationship with everyone.  I don’t always get it right but what an adventure walking beside Him is.  I wouldn’t trade this for anything the world has to offer.  I pray right now that you hear His voice and He just doesn’t care about big stuff, He cares about where you put your car keys, or what road you should take to go to the store, He cares about your golf game, and He cares about every detail of your life.  Just ask Him.

Was gardening bad, no.  Was the church Bazaar bad, no.  Was selling barn quilts bad, no.  They had their season and now He is telling me to make room for the abundance He has planned. Okay.

Vindicated & Meek

So what do you do when you are vindicated, defined as “show or prove to be right, reasonable or justified.”  It seems like you have waited decades to be able to have an eye witness that says, “Yes, what she has always said is true and has always been true.”  You have known it in your mind, in your gut and in the evidence. And now you have a live witness seeing for the first time what you have been saying all along.

At first it is sort of unreal to think that someone else may see it too.  I mean, you know it’s always been there and true and available to the public but no one has ever looked close enough. Then after having the witness come forth it is also very satisfying knowing you were right.  And in the beginning it is enough to just be right.  

Then you wonder what you are going to do with this new revelation.  You think about the people it would implicate for wrong doing and all of a sudden the lines begin to blur.  You know you have been hurt so many times over it that you are almost used to it.  Quite frankly, you are used to it.  With a shrug of the shoulders you have learned to pick your battles, and this is one you will not win. But now you have a witness, a cooperative witness, hmmm?  

Maybe I could win this battle but I could never win the war.  And I have thought about this long and hard and the only one who would really lose and get hurt would be me. So I’m going back to a shrug of my shoulders and concede.  To tempt fate and get myself all worked up over this is just dumb.  I may be right, completely 100% right, but I’ll lose in the end.  This is one of those times when I know from past experience that “not by might or by power but by my Spirit.”  So I look to the Ancient of Days resting assured, knowing He knows and has seen it all, recorded it all in His books and by the grace of God, I go. 

That is peace, not peace of a coward but peace of one who knows when to walk away.  I know the pros and cons of engaging and they are not worth the risk, even armed with new information. I am trusting in my God to avenge and make things right.  And I’m doing the battle on my knees and not with my mouth. I really do have the best interests of everyone in mind, I haven’t left myself out as I would have in the past.  Going in full of ammo and cutting words, and a confidence that God is fighting for me.

I’ve grown up so much; honestly I almost don’t know me anymore.  And that is a good thing by the way.  God has taken me and made me meek.  Not weak but meek.  A definition is “strength under control.”  Jesus was meek and went to the cross without uttering a word.  He could have stopped it but with the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, scorning its shame.  Jesus thought of you and me. He gave up His life willingly, knowing the Holy Spirit would come and live in believers, which is the only way for the redemption of our souls.  So instead of winning a battle, He won the war once and for all, literally for all who would receive Him. 

This did not start out as a salvation message, it just sort of took on a life all its own. The world lives by a system of survival of the fittest, make the most money, live in the nicest house, have the best things, etc.  And don’t get me wrong I have a nice life, a very nice life, but I believe I’m storing up my treasures in Heaven.  If it means walking away from a battle here because the profit of it isn’t worth the investment, well I walk away and bank on the books being balanced in Heaven. Those agitating things or people are really here to help us grow.  And sometimes when you shrug your shoulders enough and walk away, the growth is accelerated. 

Something that keeps coming up in my mind is “prerequisite.”  In order to take a class, say Foreign Language 3, you must first have taken Foreign Language 1 & 2. So in order to walk in humility or meekness you have to pass lessons along the way, In a sense they are a foreign language to our human nature.  So for me to take a meekness course, I would have had much training leading up to victory in that area. And what I mean by training is many defeats!  Many, many attempts and times of testing to the point where I can now shrug my shoulders and walk away, not in defeat or being cowardly, but in meekness. 

Here is the kicker, the witness could have showed up years ago, but God waited until I could pass the course and make Him proud by laying down my ammo and walking away.

I keep saying it, but it’s true, He makes me better than I am.

Snubbed

I had been listening to a sermon that discussed that we had “cracks in our soul.” And out of His great love God will reveal these cracks. God reveals them not to shame us but so we can repair them—with His help.  Sounds nice in theory, right?  It is amazing to me how He can use the most ordinary ways to show us profound spiritual truths.

I was minding my own business this week, time on my hands to “be a blessing to someone else”, and then it happened.  Right in the middle of my shopping I ran into someone I knew (quite well at one point) and I got snubbed.  The person could barely say hello and I said it twice, thinking he didn’t hear me. Now I sort of look up to this person and I walked away with many “reasonings.”  Such as, could there have been something I said in the past that created that reaction?  Was there some huge obstacle on his mind?  Maybe he heard something?  Maybe he didn’t like me?  Maybe he can’t do two things at once?  Maybe I caught him off guard?  And on and on the “reasonings” went.  Left to my own imagination it is a pit without end.  After walking away and feeling bad I got what I felt was a snub by the cashier, too.

I thought, okay now this has got to stop.  I’m not going to ruin my whole day because someone in my opinion snubbed me for a reason unbeknownst to me.  But I didn’t know how to change the channel, so to speak. The crack in my soul has been revealed and God wanted to repair it.  As I left the store and drove away feeling bad, reasoning why I should let it go, I could not.  I prayed an honest prayer to God telling Him I wanted to let this go and asked Him to show me how to turn this from a crack in the wall of my soul to an area that was fortified from further attack.  It sounded really spiritual. In the meantime I was going to be as nice as possible to everyone I saw while I ran the rest of my errands.  I didn’t really see anything changing but I was more aware of other people than simply my hurt feelings. 

I stopped at a garage sale and there was a sweet little girl selling popcorn and lemonade. I always heard you should never walk away from a lemonade stand without purchasing something. So I bought some popcorn, she was really easy to be nice to, just a sweet little thing.  I got in my car to leave and just then a man drove up in a rusty old boat type of car, like an 80’s model. It was white but had just as much rust on it as paint.  I caught a glimpse of the man driving and he looked just like the man who snubbed me.  Now the man who snubbed me would not be driving an older model anything!  The man who snubbed me lives in luxury.  As I drove away I tried to see this man more clearly but because of trees, other cars and turns in the road I never got another look at him.  

This is what I believe God was showing me.  I was looking at the exterior of the man who snubbed me, I was looking at his physical, economic status and God was showing me his spiritual side.  Scales fell from my eyes that day and instead of feeling bad for me, I’m truly praying for him.  The “reasonings” make no difference. What God showed me was that this man is living with an old, barely getting by spiritual existence. As a defense mechanism, whether he knows it or not, he appears to be put together on the outside.  That is religion as we know it in a nutshell. 

I’m glad I felt snubbed, really I am, it made me aware to pray for him.  And not only that, it made me aware that each of us has a spiritual side, a spiritual car we drive around so to speak, and God sees it clearly.  Oh Lord, give me your eyes to see, not so that I can see how I stack up to my neighbors, but to build up and not tear down. 

That crack in my soul, it will likely get attacked again and next time I’m looking forward to it knowing I’ve made great progress.  This great memory of mine that I used for years to record the rights and wrongs of people, well, I sure am glad God has shown me a better use for it. Recalling how He has taught me what is truly important, this is the way to unity.