Background Check

In the past, let’s say since 1987, I have been faced with many obstacles.  Now that is a tame word for it.  I have been charged with first degree murder, spent almost 4 years incarcerated, spent the next 19 “on paper.”  I was under required supervision by the DOC (Department of Corrections) and the DHS (Department of Health & Human Services).  If I ever wanted to travel outside of the state of Wisconsin I had to have written permission from a judge.  I was on a life sentence.  I had no MR (Mandatory Release) date.  I could go to my grave on paper.  (Under Supervision)

I used to joke around and say to my family that if I died, please send the State of Wisconsin a letter telling them their services were no longer needed.  If you pull up my rap sheet you will find only one charge against me my whole life and that is first degree murder.  I was on an NGI plea (Not-Guilty because of mental disease or defect).  In 2010 I went before a judge with two doctor’s testimonies that I was no longer a danger to myself or others.  The judge agreed and, for the first time in 23 years, I was off paper.  At that time I was 1 of only 6 people in Wisconsin's history ever to be completely released from a NGI life sentence.

Bottom line, I have had one criminal violation which occurred in 1987, none before and none since.  I kid around and say I am a poster child for the mentally ill.  I do it all right; however, I’m not perfect.  I do my best to maintain good mental health, with my lifestyle and what enters my body, either from the physical or spiritual or emotional.  I do what I can within my power. 

Aside from being a writer, I have been a caregiver to many elderly people.  I am self-employed.  A reason that I am self-employed is because no agency will hire me, due to my background.  I learned that years ago when I applied to an agency, having fully disclosed my crime, and they told me I would get a letter in the mail, telling me one way or the other.  I knew no letter was ever going to come and I was right.  But, God has provided me with a steady stream of clients over the past 12 years.  I don’t advertise I get all my clients by word of mouth.  They like me and they tell their friends, it’s as easy as that.  I do believe that every one of my past clients or their families knew about my past.  I have been very forthright in telling them as I learned over the years it is easier to disclose the truth and be open about it rather than have it lurking around and being fearful of people finding out. 

Since I wrote my book, Set Free From Darkness, in 2008 it has been easier to try to explain my past.  “Here it is, it is as honest as it gets.”

Are you wondering where I am going with this?  I won’t delay any longer but I did need to give you some background for those who have not yet read Set Free From Darkness.

A family member of one of my clients told me the facility where I work as an independent contractor needs me to fill out paperwork, get a TB shot and pass a background check.  I will fill out the paperwork, I will get a TB shot if necessary and I would like very much to pass a background check but it isn’t going to happen.  I believe they are complying with state rules but I don’t know all the details. But basically, it is 30 years later and no matter how much success I have had in life in general, it won’t matter.

I have a second client who lives there, too, and she also knows my situation.  I’ve been going to this particular assisted living facility for the past three years.  I have built up a good working relationship with the staff; they will be surprised to say the least.  

I’m not worried about what they will think. Quite frankly, I’ve gotten past that.  Being over what people think of me is really good news. I know the truth and the truth has set me free.  I can almost hear God saying, “It’s about time, my dear.”  We will let this play out, and I have to admit there is a spark of excitement as to what God has in mind for me with this new development.  What a change from the fear and anxiety I used to feel, wondering if people would find out about my past, to enthusiasm for a God adventure. 

I’m so glad He forgets my past as far as the east is from the west.  Maybe the state of Wisconsin could learn something from Him? 

Psalm 103:12  - “He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.”

         

John 8:32 - “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Which team are you on?

In less than two weeks, on Super Bowl Sunday, I will speak to the women incarcerated in a Wisconsin prison.  I plan to open the meeting up like this:  It is Super Bowl Sunday and there are two teams playing.  As in life there are two teams and you are either on one or the other.

Which team are you on?   If you are not on Team Jesus you are on the enemy’s team.  It is as simple as that.  Not so sure about that?  You say you are a free thinker and you are spiritual, insightful, philosophical, rational, forward thinking, an intellectual, worldly, logical and on and on and on.  Let me tell you in plain English: if you are not a believer in Jesus Christ you are on the other team.  It doesn’t mean you are bad person, I’m just telling you what team you are on.  I’m trying to be very clear here, if you don’t know what team you’re on – You are on the enemy’s team.  

The “world” will tell you, it is better to think for yourself.  But I ask you, who is in charge of the “world’s” systems?  I don’t know how to say it more plainly than this, Satan rules the world’s systems.  Jesus paid for our ransom through His blood.  The one thing we need to do is simply claim our ownership to what Jesus purchased back for us. Adam lost it, Jesus bought it back, and now our part - well we need to claim it.  How does such a simple concept like that become so complicated?

Make no mistake Team Jesus wins in the end no matter what side you are on.  The book of Revelation tells us that.  Being a Christian is not easy, there is some misconception out there that will lead you to believe it’s easy but it’s not.  Ask any soldier who’s ever fought in a battle.  As a Christian you will face many adversaries, as Christians down through history can attest. 

Then why be on Team Jesus, aside from winning in the end?  Here it is plain and simple: there is no greater joy than the battle fought with the Lord by your side.  It is not easy, but oh, is it worth it.  You see God show His hand in the most personal way as never before.  I believe it is where miracles are born.  You see His face in the reflection of people that you could never glimpse any other way.

Think about it. One day 100 years from now all of us will be dead anyway.  Wouldn’t it be great to be in Heaven reminiscing about how we fought in battles with the Lord?  We may be looking at Holy Video clips caught on record of God moving on our behalf.  Really, we are going to be dead anyway why not make looking back worth it?  Make it worth something greater than ourselves, something permanent, life altering, life changing and eternally rewarding. 

So I will ask you again, which team are you on?

Just Another Average Week - Worms and All

An ice storm, the dog had worms, the bathroom was redecorated, a funeral for a good friend, and a revelation from God forgotten since I was a child.  Just pretty much normal events in the course of an average week .  Nothing unusual simply doing life here on planet Earth.

The ice storm was a bit abnormal for Wisconsin.  Snowstorm yes, ice no, not like this.  I didn’t get  The temperature stayed around freezing but if it warmed up at all it just made the ice more slippery with a thin layer of water on it.  And then at night it would freeze again.  We put salt out and even some hay to try to get some traction.  When I carefully pulled the car into the driveway I went sideways for awhile and decided it was good enough, it was going to stay there.  Most of the schools in the area were closed for two days. We did not attempt to get our mail for two days because it was simply too dangerous to try to walk on the ice.

We noticed over the weekend that the dog had some white-rice-like worms on her fur.  Okay, I did freak out for a minute and couldn’t even recall what I went looking for in the medicine cabinet to get rid of these very unwelcome parasites.  What made me think I had something to take care of worms was beyond me.  I contacted my niece who works with animals and she told me they were likely tape worms and that they could come from eating rodents or bunnies, or from the fleas those animals carry.  Our dog does from time to time eat them and if she doesn’t get them for herself our cat, out of the goodness of her heart, will occasionally bring her a mouse.  The very good news was the worms were not harmful to people—unless we ingested them or their egg sacks.  Okay, we were clear.  I normally don’t do much housework on Sundays but I vacuumed like never before as I didn’t want this rice-looking worm to feel welcome, even for a minute.   A vet appointment on Monday confirmed what my niece had said and with a dose of medicine, we were good to go again.  I will tell you I’m not in a big hurry to eat rice at this point, however.

Meanwhile, I had gotten concerned that someone could see me through our bathroom window as the curtains we had did not cover the whole window.  I started out seeking different curtains that I could easily close to cover the window, especially at night.  Our closest neighbor on that side of the house is half a mile or more away, but I still felt uncomfortable at night and I would often throw a towel or my robe over the curtain rod.  I was not having much luck finding colors that matched the shower curtain.  One thing led to the next and the painting began.  We changed all but the countertop, toilet, tub and floor.  We painted the walls, the medicine cabinet,  the vanity, and all the accessories. We changed the curtain rod, shower curtain and, yes, I got new curtains that pull shut easily when needed.  The room is  brightened up during the day as now the window isn’t obstructed  and we are enjoying the great view as never before.  Aside from the mess in the house, as this is our main bathroom, it went pretty smoothly.  I even got a couple of items from my neighbor as she is now in assisted living and her family was having an estate sale.  I can remember my dear friend every time I enjoy my newly decorated room.

My husband, John, lost a close friend that week. “T” was like one of his stepsons.  He had some health problems and everyone agreed it was better that he went fast so as not to suffer longer.  It is always hard to say goodbye to someone you love and this was certainly true in T’s case.  Many, many nights they would be on the phone talking to each other, discussing various topics from politics to cooking tips.  It was icy and foggy the night of the funeral but we needed to be there. Sometimes in life you don’t get a second chance to do the right thing.

The revelation from God is so new to me at this point that I’m not fully ready to talk about it.  I may blog about it in a later post but for now I will simply say this, He is real.  He revealed something to me during my daily routine that I had forgotten since I was a child.  I don’t even have the words for it yet.   

This is life on planet Earth with the good, the bad and the ugly.  One thing remains true, God’s love is consistent.  He walks with us as we walk out our days.  I sought Him when walking on the ice, praying for Him to help me stay upright.  I prayed the rice-like worms would not harm my dog or my family and thanked Him for the medicine and the money to pay the vet bill.  I thanked God for my niece and her skills with animals and her speedy reply to my most urgent text.  Whether it was taking out screws or balancing tip-toe on the toilet seat to reach the corner of the ceiling, I prayed for God’s help.  In saying goodbye to T, I prayed for his family and friends and asked God to receive him into Heaven.  I prayed for safe travels to the funeral home and everyone’s safety going home.  All week long I asked Him to help me find numerous items and thanked Him for the skills and materials to redo the bathroom.  I asked Him to have the items I purchased to be on sale.  He helped me let go of some things I would normally have hung on to “just in case I would need them”.  He reminded me that my security is in Him not in things. 

So what’s this whole post about today?  It’s about relationship with God.  It is only the most important relationship of your entire life.  He created us to be in relationship with Him.  Without a relationship with Him we will never fulfill our true purpose.  What grieves the heart of God is when we try to live life independently of Him because He knows how much harder we make it for ourselves.  And quite frankly I think He longs for us.  My life before Jesus was hard.  Always striving for peace and rarely ever finding any.  Oh, I had my share of fun and laughs at times, but not joy, not real joy and contentment until I found Him.  So with the ice storm and all it brought, the dog’s unplanned vet visit, the redecorating, the funeral and the revelation, the most important thing that took place through this “average week” was the constant dialog with my Creator.  We are made to be in relationship with Him; anything else pales in comparison.

Had a little talk with Him

Saga of a birthday close to the Christmas and New Year’s.

Here is a partial list of my old complaints:

Birthday gifts wrapped in Christmas paper

No Birthday gift at all (got more for Christmas)

Everyone broke, on diets and partied out.

Gifts sent in the mail with Christmas gifts (no separate package)

People just plain forget it through all the “other” excitement

No Birthday card, simply cash or a generic card with a promise of some future purchase

Beef roast instead of choice of pizza or tacos (you know, fun food)

Those of you born other times of the year may not “get” this right away.  Those born in late December or early January will understand.  It is hard to be immune to it. 

It has been a good number of years since I kept my mental scorecard of who forgot or broke the rules.  I’m happy that I got over it.  When I was growing up, in the days preceding my big day, I would never make mention of my birthday to my family just to see how many would forget.  You know forget I was even born!  I would set myself up for disappointment and then feel good that I was feeling bad.  Can you say self pity?  Can you say stupid?  Can you also say sinful?

Self pity is stupid yes, but self pity is also idolatry.  Saying it is all about me.  And if you don’t honor “me” my day is not worth living.  I think, if I’m right the first commandment says, “You shall have no other gods before me.”  Exodus 20:3

Me:  “But I’m not my own god when I think my birthday should be about me?”

“Then who, may I ask, are you serving?”

Me:  “Well, shouldn’t I be treated special like my brothers and sisters on their birthdays?”

“And you think that is an excuse to break the first commandment and put yourself above God?” 

Me:  “Well, when you put it like that you make me sound bad.”

“There is another perspective to see the situation more clearly”

Me:  “Okay, what is it? I’m ready for a change.”

“God made you, He picked January 6th as your birthday. If your mother and father forsake you He never will, He knows it’s your birthday and He delights in you.  Maybe, just maybe, when you were keeping your scorecard of the infractions of other people you could have been having a deep, meaningful conversation with Him.  You see you were so special He did not want to share you with anyone on the birthday He gave you.

Me:  “That blows my mind.  Did I waste a lot of time or what?”

“No more wasted time with self-pity then?”

Me: “No time for it, I get the special honor to hang out with Him.”

Don’t forget your brain change/memory verses:

Memory Verse Week of January 1 – January 7, 2017 - Can you recite it?  Jeremiah 29:11

New Memory Verse Week of January 8 – January 15, 2017  (A personal favorite of mine)