This will make you smile - Christian Humor

We are going to have a little fun today with a few Christian jokes but first…

How are you doing on your memory verse of Jeremiah 29:11?  You are likely doing better than you may think.

Fill in the blanks: (answers below)

“For I know the ________ I have for you,” declares the __________, “plans to __________ you and not to ___________ you, plans to give you a  __________ and a ______________.”

prosper

future

Lord

plans

harm

hope

Learning Scripture and using God’s own words about you is important for lasting change.  If I thought this was some catchy or trendy idea, I would not be investing my life in it.  We did not get put here on planet earth without a handbook for life.  The Bible is that manual , and it will make the difference between a mediocre life and an outstanding one.  I know I’ve lived both.  What does God Himself say about memorizing Scripture?

Joshua 1:8   Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

If you heard nothing else I think be “prosperous and successful” might just catch your attention.  Anyway, I’ve lectured enough; now is some time for fun.  I’m going to tell you a couple of jokes.

Christian Humor:

Adam did not come home one night.  In the morning when Eve saw him, she questioned, “Where were you all night?”  Adam said, “Oh, I was just out walking and talking with the Lord.”  Eve suspiciously looks at Adam and declares, “Let me count your ribs!”

A little boy goes up to his daddy and asks, “Daddy, where did we come from?”  His daddy says, “We came from apes.”  The same little boy asks his mommy the same question, “Mommy, where did we come from?”  His mommy says, “We came from God.”  The little boy, puzzled at his two conflicting answers, says to his mommy, “But daddy said we came from apes.”  The mommy said, “Oh honey, that’s was just your daddy’s side of the family”.

A little boy was really bad in math.  His parents tried everything from a tutor to helping him with his homework and nothing was working.  He was failing math.  So with no other choice they sent him to a Catholic school.  The first day the little guy came home and went right up to his room and started to study and do his homework.  His parents were elated but did not want it to stop, so they said nothing.  Day after day, this went on; he came home and studied.  The little boy ended up getting an A in math at the end of the quarter.  His parents’ curiosity got the best of them. They had to find out what changed, so they asked him.  They said, “Before going to Catholic school you were terrible in math and your study habits were awful, now all of a sudden you made a complete change, what happened, what did they do to you?”  The little guy said, “Well, the first day when I got to the Catholic school I saw that man on the wall, nailed to the ‘plus’ sign and I knew they meant business.”

Now here is one you may or may not get.  I find it funny but you may need to know your Bible a little more deeply.

Let’s say someone is being really rude and irritating to you.  They really are a jerk.  You don’t need to swear, lose your temper or be rude back, just use your Biblical knowledge and it will go right over their head.  You simply look at them and say, “Who do you think I am, Balaam?”

I would love to know if you get my little joke or not.

I hope you had a little fun and remember, being a Christian doesn’t mean you can’t laugh or have fun. Quite frankly it simply opens up new subject matter and opportunity for humor.  I like to look at being a Christian as if I’ve been through an hour glass.  When we start out we are “ourselves” (like sand in the top of the hour glass) and then when we become Christians we go through the middle part.  The middle part of the hour glass being like a narrow path, so to speak.  After we give our lives to Christ, we don’t stay in the middle like cookie-cutter Christians and everyone doesn’t need to be the same.  So once we go through the middle we get to be ourselves again, only better.  God made us unique.  He made you unique, just the way He wanted.  He’s calling you to a greater faith.  You would not be reading this if it were not true.  Your spirit craves more and He offers more.