It is
estimated that one and a half billion abortions have been performed worldwide since
1980. Okay, don’t think I’m going to give you a bunch of statistics because I’m not. And don’t think I’m going to give you my personal opinion about it either, I’m not. All I care about is the women who carry
around the guilt of something that took place, who knows how long ago. If this isn’t something that you think matters or if you think it doesn’t pertain to you – stop reading
this now.
I happen to know there is an audience for my article. I’m a church attendee. And I can tell you church attendees do not
talk about such things very readily.
With the total of one and a half billion abortions in the world, odds
are there are likely a few of the women and men that are affected by abortion are
sitting in your church. I have not had
an abortion but I can totally relate to the women that have.
In 1987, as a result of a misdiagnosed mental illness I took the
life of my 10-month-old
daughter. I carried the weight of the guilt of her
death for 17 years. I used to say it
wasn’t like I could just tap
some random lady on the shoulder and ask, “How did you handle it when
you took the life of your baby?” I felt
alone. After being incarcerated, upon
release I tried my best to blend into the world. The full story is in my book, Set Free From Darkness. It is
a true story, and despite such a hard topic to discuss, it is a “beauty for
ashes” account of God’s
restoration, that will leave you inspired.
This article became an idea as a friend of mine recently told me
that it was better that my crime was public, because in the long run, I couldn’t
hide it. Oh no, when you make the
nightly news and the headlines in the newspapers it’s pretty hard to hide. In 1987, the internet was almost nonexistent,
I think it was just coming on the horizon so that did keep things quieter at
least for a few years.
When I was released from the State Mental Hospital I went back to
college, worked at various jobs but in the back of my mind was this dark
looming secret. Once in a great while, I
told someone my painful past but usually I just tried to blend in. Finally, one day after 15 years I found
myself in the back row of a church. I
met Jesus that day. And He loved
me. He had always loved me. It was me that had been holding back.
What would He want with me?
I’m a murderer. I have bi-polar illness. My past is tainted in many ways. And over the course of the next few months I
would begin, at 40 years of age, to find out He had a good plan for my
life. Now really, I thought what good
can come from my past. I thought, “You
would have to be God because there is no way anyone else could pull it
off.”
You just got the condensed version! Now that brings us to today. Yes, He has a good plan for my life. He is God and He has placed this on my heart
today. Here it is. If you have had an abortion and you carry the
guilt of the loss of your baby, please know that Jesus loves you. He has a good plan for your life. He likely is going to use your past for the
benefit of someone else but you have to come out of the closet and heal
first.
Pain festers in the dark.
Satan loves to do these two things to you. 1. Makes you feel bad about what you
did. 2.
Tells you no one will understand and urges you, through fear, to keep
quiet. Then between the two you roll
back and forth and you are stuck and tormented.
So as my friend was saying, I was lucky not to be able to hide. I can honestly say I don’t have that looming darkness anymore. I miss my little girl, I eagerly anticipate
going to Heaven and reuniting with her.
But while I’m here, I’m at peace, as I know God knows
the truth and I know the truth, and I am to use my experience to help
others. So it would make sense wouldn’t
it that God would use someone, like me, who knew the same pain and not some
prim and proper church lady to champion their cause. He’s got a good plan for me. He’s got a good plan for you!
Diamonds are made in the heat of the earth.
Pearls are made from starting with an irritant.
Silver is refined in fire.
You might ask yourself if it got out, “What will people
say?” “What will they think?” And you know what I say to that, “It is their
problem, and it is between them and God.”
It is not between me and them or me and God. Twenty nine years later I can honestly mean
that. It came from being candid and
open, taking risks and yes, having a few meltdowns. But you know who can’t touch me anymore regarding this? Satan.
He has lost his power over me because my past doesn’t live in the darkness anymore. Jesus’ light doesn’t
let anything hide.
So I urge you, if you see yourself or anyone you know in this
situation, you can do one of two things.
You can do nothing, and remain status quo back and forth between your
quilt and shame. Or reach out to others
in the same position and become a jewel to them. God is in the restoration business; He can
take any one of His children and breathe new life into them. I believe that the guilt and shame of one and
a half billion abortions can be turned around and multiplied for His
glory. I personally would not be where I
am today if not for Jesus. I like to
believe I’m a diamond and
pearl necklace, in a silver setting! However, I’m none of these things on my own;
I literally can do nothing without Jesus.
 |
| Peace is waiting for you |
Proverbs 20:15
Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak
knowledge are a rare jewel.
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