I made God a promise in 2005.
I would not quit a job or a man unless He told me to. I have bipolar disease, and I’ve learned I often quit people and
situations prematurely due to my illness.
I would get to the point that the reality of the situation was so
distorted in my brain that could not take it anymore. Although I have not mastered it, I have come
a long way in making more clear minded decisions. Since that time I have not quit
anything. I have the same husband and
job since I made my promise to God.
I have been working as a caregiver and a housekeeper. It allows me to be self-employed and gives me
the freedom and flexibility so I can get established as an artist and
writer. It’s been a good setup for me. I see most of my clients about every other
week.
Sometimes I feel that God could better use me elsewhere. I mean, I could go out and be a speaker for
Him and He has me scrubbing floors? I
learned to be careful what I prayed for as I used to pray, “Get me off my
knees”. He did alright, I ended up with
Bursitis and such pain and swelling in my right knee I no longer could scrub
floors on my hands and knees. He
answered my prayer, just not in the way I had hoped. Sigh.
After that one, I thought, I’ll
just keep on doing what He was me do, even if I would prefer to be doing
something else. I will not quit.
Sometimes I’d
clean a toilet and think, I’m cleaning God’s toilet, or, I work for God, Jesus is my
boss and any other number of mind sets to amuse myself and make the job go
faster. For the most part I succeeded
and often I would think to myself, maybe I won’t have to be
back in two weeks…maybe God would move me on.
Two weeks later I was back and I would repeat the same process. I have been treated well and with respect and
I don’t mean to sound like I
was ungrateful. I simply wanted to do more for the body of Christ and often I
could not see myself making any progress doing this type of work.
In the Movie “The Karate Kid” the young man wants to learn karate
for self-defense and protection. An older
Japanese man agrees to teach him. Very
specifically, the older man shows him how to wash cars, paint fences and a
number of other chores. After a time,
the young man is frustrated, feels used and wants to know why he must do all
this work and is not being taught karate.
Well, what he was being taught were disciplines. And often I say to myself as was said in the
movie, “Wax on, wax off.” The Lord has
me cleaning a toilet, the same toilet after 12 years, because He knows it is
what I need. It doesn’t sound very glamorous does it? But I can assure you it is very
effective.
One particular home has proved to be a time of testing. There was a time that I ended up with
headaches when I would go there. That is
in the past and it turned out to be the pressure I was putting on myself. Each time I would finish I would think, this
must be my last time here. And two weeks
later I would be back again.
Grrrrr. I tried numerous things
like memorizing Scripture or pretending I was speaking to an audience—anything
to shut down my internal dialogue of how bad I wanted out. However, I would not quit. And maybe that was one thing God was looking
for. He wanted me to trust Him, even
though for the life of me, I could not understand why He still had me there.
Recently something happened at that job and I did not want to go
back. My husband, John, was not feeling
well and was coming home from work early.
I was scheduled to go there in the afternoon and I thought, like a good
wife, I should call in and stay home with John.
I asked myself really, is it about your husband being sick or because
you don’t want to go there? Well, it was both but I know which one
outweighed the other. When I told John
I thought I should stay home with him he said, “I’m not that sick, you’re not getting out of it that easy.” I knew he was right. Face those giants. If your battle is not against flesh and blood
then don’t fight with flesh
and blood. So I get my armor on and I
don’t back down and I don’t quit.
This particular house is never dirty, just a little dusty. Then it hits me. A dream I had about dusting a secret
room. My friend interpreted the dream
and it was not ordinary dust but diamond dust.
The dream’s meaning was more complicated than this but in essence it
meant the time of testing was over and all that was left was “diamond dust”. So with shoulders held high I returned to my
client’s home. Much to my
surprise I was greeted with an apology and a hug. Diamond dust, the cutting is done; the only
thing left is a little polish. Had I
quit, I would have missed it, my special blessing from God.
He can use me now as I have passed this test. I believe with my
whole heart He will move me on and it will be in His timing. Speaker, writer or artist, I don’t know, but one thing is for sure: I won’t be standing in my own way.
I have learned the truth, when the heat is on do not quit; it is
at that very moment that you are closest to your breakthrough. If you back out and walk away the faces and
the names will change in the future but you can be guaranteed to face a similar
situation. I had no way of knowing I
would get a warm welcome, it was the furthest thing from my mind, I just had to
show up. God took care of the rest.
10 Finally,
be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the
devil’s schemes. 12
For our struggle is not against flesh
and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers
of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly
realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil
comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done
everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around
your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet
fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition
to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the
flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword
of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Ephesians 6:10-17
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