"Not so" Happy Mother's Day

I’m going to rant here today.  I usually don’t but I’m going to be the voice of all the mothers out there who are without their children, for whatever reason.  My only child is passed away.  And Mother’s Day came as it does every year and no one said her name to me.  They don’t want to hurt me. Like for some reason not saying her name eases the pain? That mentality could not be further from the truth. The only time her name was mentioned was when I typed it as I logged onto my computer to unlock it.  

I spent Mother’s day morning in a cemetery.  Not even the cemetery she is buried in, just a random cemetery.  It wasn’t morbid, really. I could feel the presence of God. I didn’t end up going to church as sometimes all the “happy” mothers are too much to take.  I’m just being real here.  It’s not always this way, I was quite surprised that it hit me hard this year.  I felt the tears welling up on my way out of the driveway and they continued to flow on my drive.  

Maybe you have a child that has passed away. Maybe you have an estranged child, who for whatever reason doesn’t want to see you, maybe they live far away. Maybe you are not able to have children and you are longing to be a mother, maybe you feel guilt and pain for having an abortion, or maybe it is a circumstance I haven’t even conceived of.  I’m telling you this, God sees your pain. God knows the million times you are a “mother” to others.  The Ancient of Days wastes nothing, forgets nothing. And He wants to comfort you now.

There is a part of me that would like to slip off into a depression and just escape till forever is gone. And the Scripture God keeps giving me is, “I have set before you life or death, choose life.”  Life is putting on a smile (fake at first, then gradually having it become a reality), and if that is what I must do, I will. Death is wallowing in it and thinking of the million things people did or did not do or say. 

I heard on the radio on my way down the road what people should do if someone is missing a child on Mother’s Day.  They should indeed make a point to bring up the child and mention the child by name and wish them a Happy Mother’s day. It is just as simple as that. There is an elephant in the room and do you think not mentioning their name makes it easier?  I can tell you from personal experience, it makes the mother feel forgotten and the child dispensable.   I can assure you this, the “mother” is thinking of her child so you will not be reminding her that she’s a mother or not a mother.  Trust me she knows, and likely just beneath the surface there is a well of tears waiting to be released, not by a cruel person reminding her of her loss but someone who cares enough about her to remember the million mothering things she still does every day.  

I thank God that He understands when no one else does.  And I am reminded once again that He is good.  He is where my hope lies even if my tears try to tell me differently.  I am looking up because from where I am right now I have two choices: down into the pit or up to the heavens.  I choose life.

I wish I had some magic formula or words to wash away the tears. If this resonates with you in some way, I hope knowing you are not alone will be comforting to you.  Look for the rainbow today, God will provide one, but you won’t see it when you are looking down. I know.