I didn't see this coming...

I was doing a Bible Study and the following questions were posed:

When we serve with our focus strongly and solely on Jesus, our attitude stays healthy and our hearts continue to be joyful.  List other possible consequences of serving out of love for Jesus.

What are some dangers and potential pitfalls of offering acts of service with the intention of making people happy, getting something in return, or making people the focal point of our service?

Select one of the following acts of service and describe how our hearts beat differently and our attitudes are healthier if we serve out of love and devotion for Jesus and not for the person we are serving:

•              Going on an international mission trip

•              Serving meals at a city mission

•              Holding worship services at a retirement center

•              Tutoring a child through a local school

•              Sponsoring a child through Compassion International

•              Buying a stranger lunch

•              Some other act of service…

I had a confession to make. I sponsor two children for Compassion International, and I have wanted to get rid of one of them.  I have sponsored Jamesly for 13 years and never once in those 13 years have I ever felt close to him. I ask him questions repeatedly and he never answers them.  About a year ago or so I called Compassion International to complain and find out how long he will still be in the program (because of his age).  I was told that what I could do was ask questions and label them 1. 2. 3. 4., etc.  And that I could see that maybe it was Jesus I was serving and this was not for me.  I numbered the questions I asked him and still nothing.  I wanted a relationship with the child I was sponsoring; you know something in it for me.  I wanted a nice letter back from him telling me how he loved Jesus and a glimpse of what his daily life was like.  I literally got, “How are your activities?”  He wrote that in every letter for 13 years.  I threw most of them out.  I even declined to send him a birthday gift last year because I was frustrated with the lack of relationship in the letters.  Mind you, he is a poor child in Haiti and I think I’m serving him donating money each month.  I was really serving myself.

So it hits me.  I’m to serve Jesus, not Jamesly or myself with my sponsorship.  13 years and the revelation hit me.  I’ve been given a gift that I haven’t opened and I have been grumbling that I was not given a gift.  Okay, that’s deep.  I serve out of love and devotion for Jesus and for no other reason. No ulterior motive, no backup plan, just Jesus—completely, wholly, all-encompassing devotion for Jesus.  Make me humble before the Lord.  “I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum.”  It’s all for Him. 

Then here is where I let go and I’m freed up to receive.  When I got home from the study, I had a pile of mail to go through.   I had been gone for the weekend. There was a letter from Compassion International that said I had a letter from my child.  I have one other child as well, a little girl from Indonesia.  I was in no hurry to open it as I’m always disappointed if it is from Jamesly.  So, I postured my heart to open it, knowing I was now different.  I could accept his letter now that Jesus is the focus.  So I opened up the letter, it was indeed from him, and it was, get this, a wonderful letter. I am telling you God set me up!  He is the Holy Sneaky.  He set me up!  He set me up by putting on that list the only item that was specific.  None of the other ones were specific and it could have said World Vision or something, but no….it said Compassion International.  How sneaky and smart and wise and perfect!  He blows my mind!  He set me up!

So aside from the lesson for today, He is setting me up for victory in the future.  I know I am to serve Him only and not others or myself through others.  Just Him, absolutely dedicated, specifically 100% devoted where joy will not fluctuate, because he doesn’t wane or change. It is a building block to build my life on.  

My prayer to God:  You must think I’m worth all this effort.  I see Your face smiling as You unwrapped this gift for me.  You knew I’d get it eventually and it was Your great pleasure when I did. Your joy is in revealing yourself to your children and our joy is in seeing You revealed. I just shake my head in total awe at the complexity and, at the same time, the simplicity of your ways.  You ARE the great I AM.  No one does it like You do.  I am so grateful to be Your child.  Thank you for now and for eternity.